Spirit
by tatakailittleackerman
Summary: Most ghosts tear homes apart and make big messes throwing things around. Levi is no ordinary ghost. He works hard to keep his childhood home - where he was born and where he died - clean. Enter Erwin, who makes a project out of Levi's beloved house and then moves in. Levi's 'hauntings' come in the form of picking up after Erwin, who eventually starts to suspect he isn't alone. T rn
1. Chapter 1

I'm sorry not sorry for making yet another story. However, in my defense, I am still going to finish the others, and I am excited about this one.

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Present Day: Sina Manor

Levi POV

I actually don't mind being dead. It's not like I lived that great of a life anyway. I have it better now than I did when my heart was still beating. I had all of Sina Manor, the house I was born in and died in, to myself. Sure, it was old and falling apart in some places. The roof leaked when it rained and the windows were broken randomly, yeah, but it was all mine. Two stories, an attic, and the enclosed yard around it was all mine.

It was wonderful in it's glory days. It was all rich red brick and beautiful stained glass. I strived to maintain it as best as I could, but there is only so much a spirit could do. I couldn't leave the gates, so I couldn't go out for supplies, and I had used all the cleaning stuff up four or five decades ago. (I lost count. It's all the same shit, different day). I kept most things as clean as I could, using rags to dust and simple well water to mop. Still, I'd do awful, awful things for some cleaning supplies.

I spent most of my day cleaning the house and relaxing on top of the roof. People couldn't see me unless I wanted them to, (not that anyone came around the manor much, I worked hard to give it a bad name so people wouldn't move in), so I was free to lounge around anywhere I wanted to. It was from my lounging spot on the roof that I saw his sleek black car pull up.

Who was this fucker and why is he on my property?

I ducked back in the window and ran down the steps. I waited until I heard whoever it was step out of the car to open the door and step out. I slammed it hard behind me.

"Fuck!" I heard him cuss and smirked. He ran to the other side of the car to look at the front door. My smirk fell off my face.

He was hot. He was tall and blonde and just my type. He had a strong jaw, sharp blue eyes, and soft looking ivory skin. He had on a dark blue button up with the sleeves rolled up and I drooled over his forearms. He was so fine I could forgive the dorky bolo tie.

"Hello?" he called out. I rolled my eyes. It was always that first, then always 'who's there'. I waited.

"Who's there?" He walked toward the door. Yup. Every time. He walk up the steps and stood right beside me. I was right when I said he was tall, by about a foot.

I didn't have to worry about him seeing me, so I walked around him, checking out his ass and eyeing his bulge. Maybe I wouldn't run this one off right away after all…

He looked all around the door and then knocked hesitantly. His impressive eyebrows were knitted together and he looked confused, but not scared. I thought about grabbing one of the rocks from the gravel drive way and throwing it at him to see what he would do, but decided against it. I wanted to look at him some more before I ran him off.

He grumbled something I didn't catch before he went in my house. He didn't wipe his shoes on the mat outside or take them off when he went inside. Rude. Whatever, I would mop later anyway.

"Wow. For a vacant house, this place is clean." He whistled. I straightened my back with the praise, not that he could see it.

He looked at the floors, testing them with his weight. He nodded and then moved to the stairs, pulling on the banister and breaking it. He sat the broken banister down against the wall.

"Asshole!" I hissed, knowing he couldn't hear me if I didn't want him to, either. I looked over at my books. I could throw one on the ground, though. He would hear that.

"Might as well replace the whole stairs." He sighed, wiggling a loose stair board.

Wait? He's planning on replacing my stairs? My stairs in my house? On my property? I gritted my teeth.

He pulled out a shiny thing with lights on it and flipped it open. What the fuck was that? He pressed on it with his thumb and it made noises. I didn't like that thing with its weird sounds. I liked it even less when he pressed a button on it to make it ring loudly.

"You get the picture?" He asked the thing. What the fuck? He gave the silver object a picture?

"_Why did you have to break the fucking banister?" _A deep, growly voice said. My mouth dropped open. That thing had a voice!

"Because I wanted to see if I would have to replace the stairs. I was testing the strength of the wood." He grunted.

"_Damn it, Erwin. You're supposed to be fixing it up, not breaking it." _The thing said to him. So his name was Erwin.

"I know, Mike. I know. It's actually not that bad. The floors look good. There are some windows broken and I'm sure there rot in the attic from where it looks like the roof is damaged. I'm gonna head throughout the house now, you make a list."

So the thing was called a 'Mike'. Interesting.

"_Yeah, yeah._"

Erwin walked into the kitchen. "All new appliances are needed." He turned on the sink. It sputtered a moment before coming to life. "Water connection looks good. Floors are fine. Ceilings are good, too."

I never used that sink. I didn't like it. I got my water out of the well like I did when I was alive. That was something some shit heads did when they moved in here a couple decades ago and 'fix it up to sell'. I made sure they ran off with their tails between their legs screaming 'ghost'!

"Alright now the first bedroom. Downstairs, first left." He walked into my parent's room. It was an empty expanse of room with white paint peeling. "Floor fine. Needs a coat of paint, like the whole house, um, ceiling has some water spots."

I followed him to the guest room. I hoped he wasn't here to take more of the furniture. The last people, the sink people, had taken what little furniture there was left from the downstairs bedrooms. I still had most of my own furniture, I protected my room fiercely. My brother's and sister's room were mostly still full of furniture, even if I didn't have any possessions of their left in there. (I took what few possessions of theirs – hairbrushes, dolls, drawings, etc – and put them in my room under a floor board.

"Second bedroom. Downstairs, second left. Needs a new door." He noticed the door was off it's hinges and inside the room, leaning against the wall. That was something I had done to help drive off the sink people. "Floors are little scuffed in here. There's a bed frame in this one. Maybe sell that."

"I'll rip those caterpillars off of your face and choke you with them." I hissed, not letting him hear me. I wasn't giving up anything else.

He went through the rest of the downstairs, commenting on things like the plumbing and the walls in the hallway. I just followed him with a scowl. It was went he went upstairs to where my siblings and my room was that I bristled. I kept right on his tail as he opened Isabell's door.

"Wow, there's actually a dresser and a bed frame up here. They look good, too. Nice shape." He opened Isabell's drawers and peeked in her closet. "Looks like a good room."

He went to Farland's next, and commented on how the window was broken. Fucking baseball flew through it. I threw the ball back at those kids so hard I gave one of them a broken nose. It was passed off as 'ghost story' but it was true. Well, it was a ghost story, too. He made the same old comments about the floors were okay but the ceiling had water spot and blah blah blah. It was my house, who was this fucker to comment on it?

I saw my room was next up and went ahead of him, slipping in my room and closing the door. I used the sound of his voice commenting on the state of Farland's room to cover up the sound of me clicking the door knob lock and lowering the wooden plank over my door. I would spook him off if I needed to.

"Upstairs, third bedroom- _Oh._" He stood outside my door and I saw the knob twisting with him trying to get in.

"_What?" _the Mike thing asked.

"It's locked." Erwin paused. "Should I break it down or…?" He trailed off. I stiffed, grabbing the knife from on top of my dresser, ready to scare him if he came in here. Nothing fucking frightened people off like a floating knife coming at them.

"_Naw, man. Just come back. This is enough for one day. It's gonna get dark soon, and there's no lights in there." _

"Oh man. Electrician is our first call then." Erwin voice faded away down the stairs and I sat the knife back down. I waited until I heard his car start up before I unlocked my room.

"…_enough for one day," _the Mike thing had said. So, I hadn't seen the last of Erwin.

Erwin POV

"You know, once you get past the creepy feeling of being watched, it's not so bad." I commented, grabbing a slice of the pizza Hanje, Mike, and I had ordered.

"Did you see a ghost?" Hanje asked, leaning forward and grabbing the table edge.

"Babe, don't jizz in your pants again. There's not any ghost." Mike commented.

"Well, Erwin? Anything for me to study?" Hanje looked at me wide eyed.

"Ah, no. It's creepy, like I said, but I figured it would be a little creepy since it's so old." I grabbed a bite of heavenly cheese and tomato and savored it before continuing. "When I first got there, I thought I heard the door slam shut, but it was just the wind."

"Really? Could it have been a ghost-"

"_Babe_." Mike sighed and brought their arm around them. "No ghost talk while eating. Okay?"

"Fine." They eyed me. "Stop eating for a minute and tell me about the gh-"

"Hanje!" I laughed. "It was nothing."

"Nothing?" They asked.

"Nothing. I even knocked on the door just in case someone was there. I must have looked so silly, knocking at a vacant home."

"It's not vacant if there's a gh-"

"Hanje! Please!" Mike kissed his partner to get them to shut up. I laughed at them, but still couldn't get the shiver to quite leave my spine. This was going to be one hell of a project, but it was something I needed to do.

Besides…ghosts don't exist. Do they?

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I'm probably going to use the next chapter(s) to speed through the process of repairing the house so that you don't die of boredom (ba dum tiss)


	2. Chapter 2

Present: Sina Manor

Levi POV

_Nice legs, Daisy Dukes makes a man go wooo hooo_

I whistled along with the song Erwin was playing, agreeing whole heartedly. He had nice legs. Big. Muscular. Powerful. I looked them up and down as he worked on replacing my broken banister. He had on these jeans that hugged his thighs and ass nicely. His shirt was getting sweaty and sticking to his chest as he carried around all the large boards of wood and heavy tools. I couldn't recognize most of them, but I didn't let that get to me. I knew the times outside my little world were changing. Just like that music playing device. At first I didn't like it, and thought the music was too loud and grating sounding, but it grew on me. Most of the songs were sexual and I loved how the audio matched the video.

For the first time in my long life, I actually appreciated my power. Erwin occasionally danced a bit, shaking that sweet ass around. God, that ass. I sat on the couch in the living room near the place where he was working. I licked my lips as I stared at his bulge. I _really, truly_ appreciated my power…and a few other things.

It had been a week since Erwin had taken up my house as his project. At first, I had hated the idea of him changing my house, but he had told the Mike that he would fix the stained glass, windows, roof, ceiling, and everything else that was in need of fixing. I couldn't do these things, but Erwin could. He could leave the property, get supplies, and, most importantly, use those supplies to fix my place. I decided that he could stay until my manor was as bright and gleaming as it was when I was alive.

He started up with his noisy tools again, and I really admired what a hard worker he was. He had fixed the roof first, before anything else, and now was tearing into the first floor renovations. I watched the banister come up and complete the stairs. New wood, boards all secure, strong banister… and when he left, I would clean it. I slipped off of the couch and walked around to door, which Erwin had left open to help with the moving in of things.

I went into his work truck and snooped around his bags of supplies. I picked out a bottle of multi-purpose cleaner and thought about going into what was obviously his personal bag. I left it alone, though, not really caring about what he did in his personal time. I went to the downstairs bathroom and stashed it away under that sink thing the sink people installed. (God, what was it with modern people and running water?) I grinned at my slowly growing stash of cleaning supplies.

I headed back to Erwin, trying to figure out if I could swipe another bottle of supplies from him. I didn't want to run him off just yet, though. I hummed to myself as I plopped back on the couch to watch him work. I just wanted my house to shine again. It was the only thing I really took pride in anymore. The only thing I had.

"Fuck, it's getting hot." Erwin stretched and rolled his neck, the bones popping. He reached down and pulled the end of his shirt up and over his head.

"_Thank you_," I said, devouring his half naked body with my eyes. Muscles and sweat and skin. Yeeeesssssssssss. He pressed the shirt to his face and wiped his sweaty brow. He threw the shirt onto the floor a little ways away and I winched. Rude. I would have to scrub these floors double anyway just to get up all this fucking saw dust and boot tracks. Whatever. I had supplies now.

"God, this is a big job." He looked around. "Just what I need."

"I've got something else you need right here in my pants." I purred, loving that I could say anything to him and he couldn't hear if I didn't want him to. He couldn't see me either. I could have fun with that. For a moment I pictured him walking over to the couch, stripping and laying on it. He pleasured himself while I watched, unnoticed. I gulped, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. I didn't need to go down that line of thinking. I already had enough things to clean with my new supplies without adding my pants to the list.

Erwin called it a day after putting up a new door in the bedroom downstairs. I snickered right beside him, remembering the way they screamed when I tore it down. God, I loved to fuck with people. Actually…I looked at Erwin sideways as he packed up his music machine. I wonder what he would do if I gave him a taste of a little poltergeist power.

He was on his way to pick up his shirt when I decided it was a perfect time to fuck with him. As he bent down to get the shirt, I made the front door slam shut.

He jumped up suddenly. He looked around warily before grabbing his sledgehammer from the floor and facing the door. Oh my, this was always a fun reaction. I liked it when they grabbed things to fight not knowing I was actually behind them.

He surprised me, though, instead of moving toward the door like all the others had done, he moved back toward his tool box. He didn't turn his back to the door, instead reaching over and easily picking a strange black thing from the box. He set the sledgehammer down slowly. He pointed the black thing at the door before walking toward it. I furrowed my brow. I had never seen this reaction.

He walked right up the door and kicked it off the hinges. I jumped in surprise as my eyes went wide. What the hell? He went out and did something outside. I stayed where I was, trying to process his reaction. He came in a few minutes later, sitting on the couch and clutching the black thing in his hand. He whipped out the Mike and it made beeping noises as he touched it.

"_Erwin?_" the Mike asked. "_All done-"_

"I think I might be losing my mind." Erwin hissed.

"_What are you talking about?" _

"I've been noticing things going missing from the fucking truck and now I'm freaking out because the door slammed and-"

"_Things going missing?" _

"Like random cleaning supplies. It's weird as hell. I – just – I think I might need some company at this job for the next couple days. I shouldn't have indulged Hanje, but I did, and now they've got my paranoia through the roof."

"_Like you needed that." _The Mike grumbled. "_I'm sure your fine, Erwin. You've been doing so good with your new therapist. Just focus on that, man. I'll get someone to hang out with you for the next week or so, okay?" _

"Yeah. Thanks. I really owe you for everything you've ever done."

"_I owe you, too. You saved my life." _

"I was just doing my job."

"_And now I'm doing mine: Looking out for my friends." _

"I'm coming back. I'll see you in ten."

"_Go get some fucking sandwiches or something on your way home, man. Hanje fucking tried to cook with explosives again." _

"Will do." He laughed, putting the Mike away. I saw him turn the black thing over and over in his hands before he got up with a heavy sigh and left me alone in my house.

I moved back to my cleaning closet, taking out my broom. I needed to clean. I needed to stop thinking about what I did to Erwin or why he reacted like that. For the first time, I felt guilty about fucking with a human. I thought about my stash under the sink. He noticed that I was taking things from him. Shit. What if he stopped bringing cleaning supplies? What would I do then?

I pursed my lips as I cleaned up his mess. I felt like this was something I would probably be doing a lot of.

Erwin POV

"And the paranoia? Has it been improving?" Dr. Pixis pushed his glasses up on his nose. I fucking hated having therapy in the evening, but I did love spending most of the daylight at the house, working.

"It's actually recently been getting a lot worse." I sighed as I tried to think of a way to explain my recently developed fear of ghosts to my therapist.

"Oh? Why?"

"Hanje told me some more of their ghost stories about the house I'm fixing up. I don't know. They just got to me. At first, it was easy to ignore them, but now when something happens, my first thought is _enemy _and my second thought is _ghost. _I'm a grown ass man. I shouldn't be worrying about things that go bump in the night."

"Paranoia and fear is a natural response to ghost stories. That's why their told in the first place." He gave me a thoughtful look. "Do you ever think that maybe ghost stories affect you so much because of the element of the unseen enemy?"

"It's just this house. It's got some creepy vibes. Like I'm being watched, but I feel that normally, so…" I shook my head. "I'm getting better. I promise."

"You don't need to promise me that. You don't need to even promise yourself that. I dislike this 'better' place that everyone seems to be trying to get to. Like its Neverland or Candy Land. You can't stroll through some gates and magically feel 'better', Erwin. I think you know that. You have to make hard choices in your best interest-"

"I'm not abandoning this house. I need the project. I need the physical and the mental of rebuilding a home."

"Like you're trying to rebuild your life?" He tapped the end of his pen on his note pad. I stayed quiet. He went on. "Do you ever picture yourself as that house you won't let go? Do you ever pretend that as you're fixing up the windows and doors that you're actually fixing yourself?"

"I am fixing myself, though." I gave him a pointed look. "I'm working hard on my social life right now. You know, not isolating myself? I told Mike to send a partner with me to the house tomorrow, so maybe it'll be Nanaba."

"Nanaba?" He raised an eyebrow. "That someone on Mike's construction crew?"

"Yeah. Some who I have, um, romantic feelings toward."

"Oh? Lucky lady. You'll be-" He started, smiling at me.

"Nanaba is a man." I paused a second. "I'm gay."

"Oh." He got a quiet.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. No. I suspected, but since you seemed so close with Miss Rico…" He shrugged.

"I admire Rico as a colleague, nothing more."

"This relationship with Nanaba is a positive thing, then?"

"Yes. Very. It's been forever since I tried to love someone."

I wondered if I was capable of being a 100% there lover now. When I was in my younger years, I had a few very passionate flings, but now…after everything that has happened…Could I even love anyone the way I did before? One thing was certain, though. I wasn't letting go of that house.


	3. Chapter 3

warnings for abuse and mentions of nanaba x erwin -

so in order to keep myself from relapsing, I wrote. Like 'got to keep myself occupied or I will end up in my old life and die' writing frenzy. I have updates to all my stories and I wrote out some new stuff yea! I might not post it all at once but eh here we go- this writing is part of the frenzy so I rewrite it when my head is on straight

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Levi's Past, age 12: Sina Manor

Levi POV

"Watch yourself, boy!" My dad hissed at me. "You'll upset your mother's condition!"

"But Farland was being a little shit head and as the eldest, it's my job to-"My face exploded in pain as he smacked me hard.

"I swear I will leave you outside and let the wolves eat you, boy!" He grabbed my jaw harshly. "Control that tongue or so help me god, I will cut it out and-"

"Papa!" Isabell came running in, mud covering her pretty green dress.

"Oh, what fresh hell is this?" He snapped at her. He let go of me and grabbed at her, his large hands grasping her tiny arms. She cried out and I felt anger boil up inside of me. I hated it when he hurt my siblings, but especially my baby sister. She was only 7.

"Speak, girl! Why do you look as though you've been rolling around in the mud like a dog?" He shouted at her.

"Farland pushed me down in the garden! He got mud all over my dress!" She sobbed.

"FARLAND ACKERMAN!" My father roared. I winced. What was that about not upsetting my mother's condition with my ruckus making? She was surely upset now.

I heard a little peep outside and knew my brother Farland, 10, was probably trying to hide. I heard my dad run outside, his heavy boots making loud, awful sounds on the wooden floors. Isabell cried and started toward me.

"Isabell! You can't get mud on me, too, or we'll both be in trouble! Let's get you cleaned up!" I grabbed her tiny wrist and we started up the stairs. I brought her into her room and stood her in the middle of the floor. "Don't move an inch and don't touch anything! You'll get mud on it!"

I ran back down the stairs and tiptoed outside. We had to be quiet on our way out of the house because if we slammed the door, we would wake my mother. She so desperately needed her rest. Not that it should matter, what with my dad always screaming at us. I hated him so much.

I went to the well and drew a pail of water before tipping a little out so it wouldn't slosh around too much. I ignored my dad screaming at my little brother in the garden, knowing that I couldn't stop him. I made my way up to Isabell's room again to find her sniffling in the same spot that I left her. I grabbed a wash cloth and dipped it in the cool water, ringing the rag out before bringing it to my sister's muddy, splotchy face.

"What's daddy going to do to Farland?" She whispered to me as I cleaned her.

"He'll beat him. Like he always does." I cleaned the mud off of her hands and face before dropping the muddy rag in the pail and reaching for the buttons on her dress. I helped her out of it, and folded it up before setting it on the ground. "Spin."

Isabell spun around, holding her arms out and I looked over her petticoats, checking them for mud. We had done this so many times before. Thankfully, her dress wasn't stained.

"That's good. How is your hair?" I walked close to her as she dropped her arms. Her hair was left loose and straight, not curled like all the other little girls. It was hacked at an odd angle in the back.

"I don't think there's much mud in it." She whispered.

"Who cut your hair? You? Or Farland?" I hadn't done it.

"Farland. I asked him to."

"Why?"

"Because it was getting long and you are always so busy trying to take care of everything and-"

"Please just ask me next time, okay? I don't mind taking care of you." I ran my hands through her soft red hair, wishing I could curl it like all the other little girls had theirs curled. There were flecks of mud here and there. "I'll brush it out when this mud has dried. It'll come out then, I think."

"Is Farland going to be very hurt?"

"I don't know."

"Hurt like Mama's hurt?" She asked innocently.

"Mama isn't hurt, she's sick. She'll get better soon, though. We're trying a new physic, and I think it'll work very well." I lied. Our mother was getting worse and worse every day. She wouldn't make it this winter, if she even lived that long. The physic that we we're trying wasn't a physic at all, but a tonic to ease her pain. We were out of options and we just wanted her pain to end. And by 'we' I meant me and the doctor. My dad, 'the man of the house', just paid the man and talked to him. I listened from the corner and took note of the hows and whens of dispensing her medicine. I would have to do it, my father sure as hell wouldn't.

"Mommy will be well soon, then we will play tea party again and she will curl my hair and Daddy won't be mean anymore-"

"Isabell." I sighed. I grabbed her dress and carried it outside to wear the washing was waiting. I would have to do that today.

"Are you going to do the washing?" Isabell asked, looking at Farland's crying form in the garden. Dad was still yelling at him, twisting his ear.

"Yes."

"I'll help."

"You can't do it without getting suds all over your dress. Then we will have to wash that and how would that help? You're too messy to do washing. Let me do it." I put her dress into the basin that I filled with water earlier. I kneeled next to it and swirled it around in the water to get it wet and ready to wash. We chatted while I washed to drown out the sound of Farland crying.

"Isabell, I swear to you, as soon as I can, I am going to get a job and I am going to make life better for us."

"I know you will, big brother." Her sweet, sad voice rang in my ears.

…

Present: Sina Manor

Levi POV

I didn't like Nanaba. I didn't like Nanaba at all. Nanaba wasn't eye candy. His presence wasn't welcome in my house. He had been here with Erwin while he worked for an entire week now and I was getting sick of it. Especially since it seemed Erwin was…flirting with him. Ew. Erwin and Nanaba sit on the stairs and ate their lunch, taking a break from work, and Erwin started his flirting again. He scooted a bit closer to Nanaba and smiled at him.

"Oh, my god, gooooo… get out!" I hissed at Nanaba, thinking about chucking a tool at his head.

"Erwin this house is kind of creepy." Nanaba wiped his mouth off on his sleeve.

"Yeah. It is." Erwin laughed, and I bristled. "Feels like someone's watching you, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." Nanaba smiled at him and Erwin blushed a little. Ugh. But, at the very least, I learned that Erwin liked men. Which was very good… If it wasn't directed at Nana-fucking-ba.

"So...there's this new pizza place in town. I went there with Hanje and Mike-" Erwin started.

"Oh! It's been a while since I've seen Hanje! How are they doing?" Nanaba asked.

"They're doing great. They're still all caught up on ghosts and stuff. Their trying to start a paranormal research team." Erwin said and I snickered at the words 'paranormal research team'. Those people had tried to come in here before.

"Hmmm… interesting." Nanaba scooted a bit away from Erwin and I smiled a bit. Guess Nanaba wasn't up for flirting with Erwin.

"Yeah… There's these three local kids Hanje's trying to make their 'investigators in training'. Kinda funny, if you ask me." Erwin awkwardly cleared his throat. "So, about pizza… would you like to go? Um, to the place, I mean. The place with the pizza. The new place."

"The new pizza place?" Nanaba giggled. "Yeah, sounds fun."

Erwin's face lit up and something inside of me twisted. He was awkward at flirting and danced like a goofball, but he was sexy and strong and I kind of wanted him. I was jealous of Nanaba for getting Erwin's attention, but, at the same time, I understood I had no right to feel that way. Erwin didn't even know I existed, and it wasn't like _I _could go out with him.

"It'll be nice to see Hanje again." Nanaba continued, looking into the distance. "I still remember when they-"

"Uh…I… I kinda meant just you and me." Erwin rubbed the back of his neck. "Like as a…_thing." _

"Oh." Nanaba focused on Erwin. His eyebrows came together and he looked very uncomfortable. "You meant it as a date."

"We can get pizza…maybe go back to my place and you can try some of my favorite wine. I heard you like mystery movies, I have quite a dvd collection….um…if you, uh, want to."

God. It was almost painful to watch.

"I'm flattered Erwin, but I'm straight." Nanaba smiled weakly at Erwin. You could see Erwin's heart sinking down on his face.

"Oh. I, um, hope we can still be friends." Erwin looked nervously at him.

"Of course. I like you. You know, as a friend." He paused. "I've a few gay friends if you want to try and see if one of them might be…um, also into pizza and mystery movies?"

"No. That's not necessary. I'll find a guy one day." Erwin gave him a small smile.

"That's right, buddy." Nanaba punched Erwin lightly on the shoulder. "You're great. You'll make a good boyfriend to some lucky guy."

"You will, too." Erwin said, before quickly adding, "To a girl, I mean."

"Yeah." He paused. "Ah, so what are you and Mike going to do with the house after it's done? Mike bought the house and everything, right?"

"Yeah."

The Mike has my house? _My house. _Fuck the Mike. I'm going to throw that light box against the wall and throw its corpse over the edge of my property so it can't come back to life.

"It's a nice house. How long you think it'll be on the market before someone buys it?" Nanaba asked.

I felt my dead heart skip a beat. They were going to try and sell it. Well, little did they know I was here, and I would run off the people who fucked with my house. God, Erwin, just fix it up then _leave._ Well, maybe have sex with me first, but then _leave._

"Maybe not that long. I've been thinking about moving in. You know, I've been working on it now for almost a month straight, and I'm just kinda growing attached to it." Erwin admitted.

I snorted as I tuned out their conversation. He can grow attached to my dick, not my house. Although…if he did move in, the chances of me seeing him touching himself on the couch go up _a fucking lot_. Hmm… the only thing that was certain was that I would keep Erwin around long enough to finish fixing up my house. What I did with him after that…I wasn't sure yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Warnings for child abuse - Also 'particular Jesse' is a phrase from the time that Levi was alive that means to beat someone very badly

Levi's Past: Age 12- Sina Manor

Levi POV

"Papa." I called to my dad as soon as he came home from work.

"What?" He grunted, tracking more mud into the house. Great. I wanted to snap at him, but my black eye throbbed and I hushed. I would just clean it up later anyway.

"A package arrived for you today." I looked over in the direction of the kitchen table where I had sat it. It was a very familiar small brown box, the same that came every month with Momma's medicine in it. Still, I didn't open it. The last time I opened a box labeled 'Kenny Ackerman'… well… I didn't want to think about it.

My dad just collapsed on the couch in response, tipping his head back and sighing deeply. My fingers twitched. I needed to get Momma's medicine so I could set it out for the next month. Sometimes a few of the vials would arrive broken, jostled too much in travel. If that happened, I would have to get my dad to have the doctor send more.

"It's on the kitchen table." I paused, waiting to see if he would go get it. "Should I bring it-" I was cut off by a thump from Farland's room and silently cursed. I told Farland and Isabell to go in Farland's room and be quiet for a bit while I got Momma's medicine. We did this every month. Dad got particularly violent around the time the package was delivered and I wouldn't have Farland or Isabell around it.

Dad's head snapped up and he glared in the general direction of Farland's room. "If I would have known those orphan brats would be so fucking noisy, I would have left them freeze to death."

I gritted my teeth. I was the only one that was his blood, and Farland and Isabell were adopted. My mother had saved them, and if she were well, she would have raised hell to hear my dad speak like that. She had such a big heart, and she used to tell them every day that she loved them and that they were her sweet babies. Now she spent most of her time with them holding onto their hands, not able to speak much, but the love was there.

"Should I go get it for you?" I asked, trying to draw his attention away from my siblings and back to me.

"I fucking guess so." He leaned his head back again, breathing heavily out of his nose. I disappeared into the kitchen for only a second before reappearing with the box. I set it on the couch beside of him and stood back, patiently waiting for him to open it.

He eyed the box next to him, already knowing what was in it. "I hate that shit. I hate it."

"You hate Momma's medicine?" The words came out of my mouth before I even knew it. I bit my tongue as he narrowed his eyes dangerously at me.

"You wanna run that by me again, boy?"

"I was just confused, Papa." I cast my eyes down. For some reason he hated it when I looked at him. "You said you hated Momma's med-"

"I don't hate the medicine." He snapped. "I hate the sickness."

I stayed quiet.

"I hate working so hard all day long to pay for medicine that doesn't even help her. This isn't medicine to treat her aliment, boy. It's a tonic for pain! The doctors have given up, so now we drug her so that she may not feel her own death come upon her. I hate coming home to three noisy children, two of which I didn't even sire. I hate looking at her, my once vibrant and spirited woman, all crumpled in on herself. I hate the way she smells like rot and death. I hate how I have to sleep in the guest bedroom instead of my own goddamn bed because-"

"Because it's her death bed!" I choked up, finally looking at him.

"Yes. Levi." He held my gaze. "Because it's her death bed."

"You're such a selfish son of a bitch!" I spat at him. "How you _feel_? She's dying! My Momma is dying and you think about how you _feel_?"

"I aught to give you particular Jesse!" He sat forward and grabbed my shoulders in his hands.

"Go ahead!" I stared into his eyes hard. "You're going to beat me anyway."

He froze for a second before shoving me away. I stumbled back and narrowly managed to keep on my feet. "Go take care of her."

I watched him curiously for a second before he put his head in his hands. Looking at my father all slumped over like that, hands still dusty from his day's work, I had a mix of emotions stir inside me. I bristled and then snatched the box.

"Momma?" I whispered as I came into her room. Her eyes were surprisingly open, focused on the door. She had probably heard my father and me yelling. "I got your medicine."

She didn't say anything as she watched me open up the package and set out the vials, looking each one of them over in my hand. None were broken, and I let out a sigh of relief. I lined them up on the dresser before sitting on the chair next to her bed.

"I love you." She said weakly, her eyes looking over my battered face.

"I love you, too, Momma."

"You're a good boy, Levi." Momma's hand was so cold in mine. "You always remember my medicine."

"Yes, Momma. I always do." I stared at the veins snaking up her hand and tried not to think about how long she had left. My sweet mother. I loved her so much.

"And you always take care of your baby siblings."

"Yes, Momma. I always do."

Her hand suddenly tensed and I shot my eyes up to her face. It twisted up in pain before her weak body was overcome with a fit of coughing. Blood sputtered from her lips and left dots on her face and neck. As suddenly as the fit came on, it left her. I let go of her hand and grabbed the handkerchief on the nightstand. Her breathing was shaken and gurgling, as is she were drowning inside her own body.

"Ssshhh, Momma." My hands shook as I wiped away at her diseased face. The blood smeared around her face more than it collected on the handkerchief, and if it wasn't my mother, I would almost call the contrast between red blood and white skin beautiful. Her skin, paler than snow and almost as cold as it, too, had no wrinkles. She was still so young… not even thirty.

"Levi," she rasped. "Baby."

"Sssshh, Momma. I'll clean you up. I'll clean it up." I noticed my vision blurring before I realized I was crying. I bit my lip hard to keep my sobs inside even though my trembling chin made it hard to do so. My tears rolled down my chin and dropped onto my mother. My hand was out of my own control as I kept moving the handkerchief, my tears finally completely cleaning my mother's skin. "I'll clean it. I can clean it. I can clean it."

"Baby."

I couldn't look in her eyes. Her eyes were such a magnificent gray. They lit up like stars when she smiled at me. She used to smile at me all the time, even when she got sick. Now, though… she didn't have the energy. That's how I knew it was near the end. My knees trembled a bit and I swallowed hard against my own grief. I had to be the strong one. I had to take care of everyone. I couldn't allow myself the luxury of taking care of myself, especially not now.

Her hand reached up, a little slip of white, and touched my cheek. She ran her fingers lightly over my newest injury, a black eye, as she wiped at my tears.

"My poor baby." She cooed.

I broke. I let my sobs take over, ripping out of my throat almost violently as I fell back on my chair. I covered my eyes with my hands, handkerchief crumpled in my fist. She let me cry, and I was grateful to be able to express myself for once.

Modern Day- Mike's Company's Central Office

Erwin's POV

"No."

"But Erwin~" Hanje singsonged. "Think of the children!"

"The children will be perfectly fine without messing around with the house!" I rolled my eyes as I poured more coffee in their mug. "Back me up here, Mike."

Mike grunted and looked away from me. No help at all I guess. Mike would have final call on all things Sina Manor related, but I had a big input, too, as the person who did most of the work. I briefly looked over at Nanaba, since he did put in some work, but he never really liked getting into these kinds of things. He had his face tucked into a mug with Mike's house flipping company's logo on it. He wasn't commenting.

"Come on! One night!" Hanje begged, bouncing excitedly. "The kids and I will be out in no time!"

"No, Hanje. Nanaba and I just got the house fixed up enough for me – I mean, anyone – to move in." I glanced over at Mike, who was technically the owner of the house to gauge his reaction. I hadn't mentioned to him that I wanted to move in.

"How much more work is needed before it's completely done?" Mike asked.

"We have nearly everything done. We just need to put in the stained glass, and fix the air conditioning. The last ac guy did something wacky and now it heats when on chill and chills when on heat." I shook my head, ignoring the ache in my neck from yesterday's work. "After that it'll just need furniture and new appliances and a little cleaning before it's market ready."

"Speaking of cleaning…" Hanje grinned. "The ghost likes to clean!"

"I already told you it was the wind." I leaned against the wall of the office. I had already finished my cup of coffee a while ago, and was tempted to get another, but I didn't. My therapist advised against lots of caffeine with the medication I was on.

"Did you tell Nanaba?" Mike asked.

"Tell Nanaba what?" Nanaba asked, finally speaking.

"Erwin's ghost likes to clean-" Hanje started.

"I left the door open as I left one day and the wind came in and blew away all the sawdust that was on the floor-"

"Blew it into a perfect little pile outside-" Hanje said.

"Coincidence." I tensed.

"Or is it?" Hanje muttered.

"Hanje." Mike's voice had a hard edge. "Honey. Don't stir up Erwin's paranoia again."

I swallowed hard. I hadn't told Mike that I started carrying a gun with me to work again. It just makes me feel safer with all the missing cleaning supplies and closing doors. At this point, I had considered a bunch of different possible explanations, but nothing made sense.

"Hey! What about this? If the kids and I don't find anything in the house, then there isn't anything there. If we do find something, then your paranoia is justified."

"And if it is justified? What do I do if there actually is a ghost in my – I mean the – house?"

"I don't know." Hanje shrugged. "We could burn the place to the ground."

"Absolutely not." I snapped a little too harshly. I felt a strange kind of protectiveness over the house. I had worked on it so hard, and I wanted to move into it. I felt drawn into the house, even with it's creepiness.

"I agree. No burning down a perfectly good house just because your APE recorder picked up a door creaking." Mike said.

"It's EVP!" Hanje pouted. "Mikey, baby… Please!"

"I've already decided what's happening to the house, and it doesn't involve any recordings." Mike's mustache twitched. "Babe, we discussed this last night."

"What happening to my- the house?" I asked, my interest peaking. "Is it going to market?"

"Nah." Mike looked over at me. "It goes to you, Erwin."

"Really?" A slow smile spread over my face.

"We've heard how you keep calling it your house. We've seen how much work and care you put into everything. You need a bigger place, and why not this house?" Mike stood, stretching out his tall form and turning toward me.

"Thank you, Mike." I hugged him. "I'll move in this weekend."

"Before the ac is even fixed?" Mike laughed.

"It's not like I can't handle it. Besides… All I really need is a mattress and some blankets for the nights. I'll move in my furniture and take care of the needed appliances. I mean, I work on it all day anyway."

"Erwin. You can't move in so soon. At least wait until the appliances are in the house. Where will you store your food? How will you cook?" Hanje asked.

"I live off of microwave burritos, fast food, and sandwiches anyway." I shrugged. "I'll move in a refrigerator and a stove today if you're so worried."

"Erwin, I get the excitement, but be sensible. At least wait for the appliances and furniture." Mike said.

I made an unhappy noise, but relented. "Fine." Then I quickly added, "But you guys have to help me move in."

"Deal!" Hanje cheered.

I smiled. For the first time in a long time, I felt pure happiness.


	5. Chapter 5

HOLY SHIT I AM SO SORRY

I UPLOADED CHAPTER 6 IN PLACE OF CHAPTER 5

THIS IS THE ACTUAL CHAPTER 5. sorry :c

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Present Day: Sina Manor

Levi's POV

If I thought Erwin was a hard worker before, I didn't know what to make of him now. For some reason, today Erwin had been working like a machine. Almost like a dog with a bone. Nanaba could hardly keep up.

"Erwin! Slow down! You'll break the stained glass!" Nanaba hissed.

"And then I'll break your stupid, perfect face." I murmured, looking over the scene in front of me. I had been particularly excited to see my stained glass be fixed, but they had gotten it all wrong. It was supposed to look like Momma's favorite butterfly's wings. Not like this…mess of color. It looked like when Isabell had first tried out painting.

Thinking about Isabell, covered in bright colors and smiling up at me, made my chest hurt. I put one hand up to it, clutching my shirt. The pain was purely psychosomatic, of course. My heart was dead and useless in my chest. But, oh, how it hurt sometimes. The last time it had hurt like this was when I let Erwin into my room.

_Just because it was something I knew I had to do, didn't make it any less painful. If I wanted to have my whole house fixed up, I would have to have my *whole* house fixed up. Letting Erwin into my room was just a necessary evil. I had managed to keep him out while he fixed up the rooms around mine… but now… I had to let him in. _

_I cleaned up around my room, taking my precious few possessions and storing them in the corner of Isabell's closet. Erwin had fixed it up already, so he wouldn't be likely to come back anytime soon. I took my single blanket, a worn out quilt hand made by my mother, and pulled it off of my bed, folding it up gently. I never actually slept, but I liked to have it on my bed… having a 'normal' looking room calmed my mind. _

_After all my stuff was in Isabell's closet, I took one long, sad look around my now empty room before heading down to sit on the porch and wait for Erwin to show up. The waiting on Erwin was just something I had picked up… Almost like a habit, really. I told myself I was out on the porch to look at the sunrise, but deep down I knew that was bullshit. Even though I tried to be easy on myself, I didn't like feeling like a puppy dog waiting for his owner to come home. _

_Erwin had come soon enough, and I did my daily appraisal of his handsomeness. He looked good, as always. Tight t shirt and thick work jeans with sturdy boots. He had the Mike pressed up against his face, and I guess it was whispering in his ear because I couldn't hear the Mike's side of the conversation. _

"…_and I just want you to know that I'll send you pictures if I have to tear down the door." Erwin said._

_He must be talking about my room. I sighed, standing up out of one of the chairs that Erwin had so kindly put on the porch. At least he wouldn't have to tear down my door. I started picturing him wrecking my room and feel my chest start hurting. I brushed it off, reminding myself of how good he was doing fixing my place up so far. I just need a distraction, something to relief my anxiety as he went through my room. _

"_Good morning, Commander." I licked my lips as I said good morning to the bulge in his pants. I named his dick 'Commander' because I wanted to salute it. Commander was the perfect distraction._

_He hadn't brought Nanaba with him today, because it was Saturday, and Nanaba didn't work weekends. Good. Nanaba could fall out of the attic window for all I cared. I shook my head, trying to clear those thoughts away. Nanaba had not given me a reason to dislike him other than his being the object of Erwin's affection. He wasn't bad. He wasn't as good of a worker as Erwin, and he sure as hell wasn't as sexy… but my hate for him was almost totally driven by my envy of him and I didn't like that. _

_Erwin grabbed a sledgehammer from his tools and made his way up to my room. I hoped that he would at least try the door before bashing it in. He sighed before turning the doorknob. _

"_Oh!" He said as the door swung open. I bit my lip thinking about how cute his little surprised noises were. He leaned the sledgehammer against the wall and walked in. _

"_Wow." He said, looking at my big, open windows. The sunlight and the slight breeze coming through made the space inviting. "It's so nice in here."_

_Erwin trailed his fingers over my now bare bed and I gulped. I imagined revealing myself and throwing him against the bed to have my way with him. _

"_Is this supposed to be a mattress?" He frowned, looking at my bed. I bristled. _

"_Fuck you!" I hissed. My bed was perfectly acceptable. _

"_God this thing must be a thousand years old." He shook his head and whistled. _

"_I am not _that_ old!" I marched up to him. His criticism cut me deep. Maybe it was because I was infatuated with him, or maybe it was because it was the only criticism I had heard in decades, but either way, fuck Erwin. _

_Erwin grinned, suddenly moving very quickly. I had to practically jump out of the way of his legs swinging up on my bed. It was purely an instinct, of course. He could actually touch me unless I wanted him to. Had I not moved, his legs would have just gone right through me. _

"_Wow." Erwin laid on my bed. "This is uncomfortable." _

"_Your shoes are still on, you bloody mongrel!" I stood at the foot of the bed and barked at him angrily even though my feelings inside were anything but angry. I started feeling aroused for the first time in decades looking at Erwin sprawled out on my bed. His clothing rose up here and there, giving me glimpses of the soft, white skin of his stomach and ankles. _

_He reached down into his pants and pulled out the Mike, pressing on it a few times before laying it on the bed. _

"How bad is the damage?" _The Mike asked. _

"_None. The door opened. Mike, man, there's a bed in here. I mean like an actual bed." Erwin shifted on my bed and I bit my lip. "It's from like the 1600's I think. Super old." _

"The house wasn't even built in the 1600's." _The Mike informed Erwin. _

"_Thank you." I said toward the Mike. _

"_When was the house built?" Erwin asked. _

"_1826\. My grandfather built it." I answered despite knowing that he couldn't hear me. _

"1800's sometimes. Hanje knows all the details. They've been doing research like crazy in prep for the ghost hunt."

_I shuffled uneasily. I didn't like the sound of that. _

"_There won't be a ghost hunt." Erwin said firmly. I felt a rush of affection toward him. "But that isn't why I called. I just wanted you to know that just about the only thing needed in here is a fresh coat of paint. I'm thinking the same lavender we used in the other bedrooms?" _

"_I could live with lavender." I looked around my room. The painted had been peeling off badly from where the sink people had put up an awful yellow color. I got them back when I stabbed their tires, though. _

"Yeah. Do that."

"_What are we going to do with this mattress? The frame is a queen. I can put a nice mattress in it." Erwin asked. _

"Make sure the frame can handle it, then do it. As for the old one, give it to Hanje. They'll love it."

"_Okay. Bye." _

"Bye."

_Erwin rolled off my bed, then stretched before me. _

"_Don't you dare give this Hanje – Wait. What are you doing? Erwin?" I stared wide eyed at Erwin hand's as he moved them down to his belt. He quickly pulled it off in one long motion. _

"_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Are you? What are you doing?" I had imagined this over and over in my mind, but now that it was happening in front of me… Fuck me, hands started shaking. I hadn't had sex in so damn long; I was getting nervous. _

_Erwin stepped toward me, as if he could see me, and I gulped. He turned around and faced the bed then, rolling up the mattress and looping the belt around it. _

"_Of course. Fuck." I put a hand on my chest to calm myself. He was just bundling up my mattress, and I got all excited over it. I didn't even move as he walked right through me with the mattress on his shoulder. _

_Ever since Erwin had stepped into my life, I had so much excitement. I had spent so much time alone. I hadn't even realized how lonely I had been. More and more the quiet was beginning to be unbearable, the isolation creeping up on me. At one time, before the sickness and before the death, this house was filled with warmth and sounds of laughter and love. God, how I craved to hear someone say 'I love you'. _

_I thought about running down after Erwin and getting my little bed roll back, but I didn't. I would give it up…and in exchange, I would keep Erwin. _

"_I want him." I whispered out loud to the room. "I want him." _

"I know you want to move in as soon as possible, but goodness." Nanaba's voice brought me out of my memories.

Move in? Erwin was going to move in? The thought send tingles up my spine. I would have to introduce myself to my new neighbor.

Erwin POV

"I want to stay here tonight." I finished up the stained glass and smiled over at Nanaba.

"Erwin. That's a little much." Nanaba slumped against the wall. "Can we take a break?"

"You can rest. I called in for the kitchen appliances and they'll be delivered at one-"

"God, Erwin. You are a workhorse."

"After I get the appliances in and a few pieces of furniture and then it's complete." I smiled, looking at him.

"You gonna be by yourself in this big house?" Nanaba looked around the house.

"Unless you want to move in to?" I joked.

"Erwin, I already told you I'm straight." Nanaba eyed me carefully.

"I'm joking, man." I laughed, sitting against the wall next to him. "It would be nice to have a boyfriend move in here, though."

"If you get really lonely…I mean… I could stay over." He quickly added. "Not like anything sexual, but I could just keep you company. We would sleep in separate beds, of course."

"Of course." I smiled. "Maybe sometime after I get everything settled in. Move in my bookcase, line up my dvds on it."

"Lug in your gun case." Nanaba laughed. I kept my smile on my face, but it wasn't without effort. I really didn't want to discuss this. I knew I was fucked up.

"Yeah." I breathed, looking away.

"What is it with the guns, anyway? You a hunter or something?" Nanaba asked, and I tried not to wince.

"It makes me feel safe when I have a gun with me." I hoped he would drop it.

"Why?" Of course he wouldn't.

"I…uh… What do you know about me and Mike?"

"I know you are both freakishly tall and muscular." Nanaba laughed.

"About our past."

"Nothing, really." He admitted.

"Mike and I are ex-military. We were on a Special Operations team together…We did… things. Things that make it hard for me to feel safe without a firearm. I've been working with a," I took a deep breath. There was such a stigma against mental illness. "I've been working with a therapist. I can go some places without a gun, but since my paranoia has increased in the last, uh, month or so. I keep one with me at all times now."

"Even right now?" Nanaba asked, leaning toward me.

"Yes."

"Can I see?" His eyes got wide.

"I guess." I grunted, reaching back and slipping my hand under my jacket to my waistband. I pulled my gun out and held it in my hand.

"Wow!" Nanaba shuffled very close to me and I caught his scent. He smelled so good… God, I wished he was gay.

"Can I…?" He bit his lip and looked at me.

"Can you?"

"Touch it?" He looked at like a kid looking at a present on Christmas.

"Have you never touched a gun before?" I laughed.

"No! Can I?"

"Sure." I moved very close to him. I glanced double checked that the safety was on before I put it in his hand.

"Holy shit! It's heavy!" He bounced up and down a bit, gripping the gun all wrong. He held it up like he was shooting an imaginary target and giggled in excitement.

"Here." I put my hands over his and positioned his hands correctly before putting one arm over him and doing the same with his arms.

"This is so cool." He whispered.

"Yeah." I whispered, thinking about how close his body was. I could feel the heat coming off of his body and he was filling my thoughts. It had been so long since I had touched someone. It would be all too easy for me to pull him into my lap right now. I tucked my head down, my hands sliding to his shoulders and ran my nose up his neck.

"Erwin?" He squeaked.

"God, you're so cute." I whispered to him, my voice husky.

"Erwin. I'm straight." He set the gun down on the floor beside of us and I took one last inhale of his fine scent before he wiggled out of my arms.

"Erwin. I know you're lonely and all…but please don't…don't push it on me." Nanaba eyed me. "I'm uncomfortable with you…smelling me."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I tucked the gun away and then we sat in an awkward silence before I heard the sound of gravel crunching. "Appliances are here."

"Yeah." Nanaba stood up, gulping and shuffling away from me.

"I'm sorry, man. I won't do it again."

"Yeah." Nanaba waved at me. "Let's forget about it. Thanks for showing that gun, though. That's pretty cool!"

"I'm glad you think so." I smiled at him, trying to keep all of the images of horror I had seen a gun do out of my head. He was an innocent civilian. He didn't know how awful this tool of death could be.

"So, uh, can I ask questions about it? The gun, I mean. Not the whole, um, being gay thing."

"You can ask questions about either." I laughed as we went to the front door. Nanaba filled the time we spent installing appliances in the kitchen with questions. They were mostly about the gun and weapons in general, but there were a few about me being gay. I almost dropped my screw driver when he suddenly changed the topic from glocks to cocks.

We finished the day up with him dragging me away from the house.

"Erwin, you don't even have blankets to sleep with!"

"I'm ex-Special Ops! I don't need blankets."

We argued about it for a while, but I agreed to move in some blankets and stuff like a microwave tomorrow from my place. I would be sleeping in there tomorrow night, though.


	6. Chapter 6

Brace yourself for complete awkwardness. Levi's social skills are... a bit rusty.

* * *

Present day: Sina Manor

Levi POV

Erwin had red sheets. Hot red, make-your-blood-boil, fuck-me-all-night-long red sheets. I stroked them while he fluffed up his pillows and threw them onto the bed. They were so soft and smooth, made out of a material I had never felt before.

"I haven't decided how long I'll let you stay." I said to him. He was moving in his stuff into what I guess was to be his bedroom, the guest room directly underneath mine. I was so glad he wasn't trying to take my room as I had already moved my few personal possessions into the closet of my room. My mother's quilt was tucked away safely in the last drawer of my dresser. Erwin had put a big bed and blue blankets on my bed frame. I would be lying if I said they weren't amazing.

"Maybe a month and a half. I mean, you spent a month and a half working on my house, so it's only fair." I looked around at all his things, taking in the person that was Erwin. He had a few photos of himself with other people and lots of those things that he had shown Nanaba. 'Guns' I think it was.

"You know, they had guns when I was alive, too. They didn't look anything like that, though. That thing is so small…and shiny." I ran my fingers over the one on the night stand he moved in. I could feel the cold metal under my fingertips and wished I could stroke his soft, warm skin instead.

"I guess I'm silly, talking to you like you can hear me." I said as Erwin pulled up his fluffy white blankets. "I suppose I could let you hear me, but then you'd shit your pants."

This would be Erwin's first night here. It was a little soon for me to be revealing myself to him, at least on his end maybe. But fuck me if I hadn't spent a whole month drooling over him. I had already put on my best clothes, some modern stuff I had stolen from the sink people and hemmed to fit me. (My clothes from when I was alive were showing their decades of wear and I wanted to look nice for Erwin.) I had already combed my hair and washed up in the creek in the back of my property, (I wasn't going near that thing that shot water from pipes that came out near the ceiling). I was ready.

"Hello, my name is Levi Ackerman. I live down the street and just wanted to say 'hi'." I practiced, looking at the nearest clock to judge the time. Six o'clock at night. That was an acceptable time for visitors in the modern day, right? I had no way of knowing for sure, but I did know that they almost always left a lot later than this.

"Hello, my name is Levi Ackerman. I live down the street and just wanted to say 'hi'." I practiced again, before heading outside. That was an acceptable way of introducing myself, right? Another thing I had no way of knowing. Maybe I should curse? Erwin, Nanaba, and even the Mike never shied away from using curse words. Maybe that was the norm now.

"Hello, my fucking name is Levi fucker Ackerman. I live down this shitty street and just wanted to say god damn 'hi'." I tried it out before shaking my head. That was too aggressive. Better keep it simple.

I walked to the edge of my property, as close as I could get to leaving before letting my power drop. It had been the first time in decades I was able to be seen and it made me feel very vulnerable I took deep, steady breaths as I walked up my own driveway. "Hello, my name is fucking Levi- Wait, no cursing. Hello, my name is Levi Ackerman. I live down the street and just wanted to say 'hi'."

I practiced all the way up my stairs before I knocked on my front door.

"Hello, my name is Levi Ackerman. I live down the street and just wanted to say 'hi'." I whispered to myself as I heard him come down the stairs.

"Who is it?" He called out. "State your business."

"Hello, my down the street is Levi Ackerman. I name hi and wanted to say 'fuck me'." I said. It took me a second before I smacked myself in the face, my cheeks burning. My first social interaction that wasn't a terrorization was going awfully.

"What?" He unlocked the door and opened it.

I peeked up at him over my hand and I saw his eyes widen, looking me up and down. He swung the door open wide and I saw the gun in his hand. I eyed it warily. He couldn't hurt me, (You can't kill what's already dead and all that jazz.), but it still hurt my feelings a bit.

"Oh. Um, nevermind this." He tucked it back into his work pants. "I wasn't expecting company."

"Hello, I'm Levi Ackerman." I paused, putting down my hand and making sure my voice was still working. "I live down the street and just wanted to say 'hi'."

"Is that what you said before?" He smiled at me. "I must have heard it wrong through the door."

"Yeah. Must have." I mentally smacked myself in the face over and over.

"Please, come in." He opened the door wide. "The living room is just to your right."

I fought against the urge to say, "I know," or "It's actually a parlor you uncultured swine."

"Thanks." I walked into the room and took a seat on the couch I always sat at to watch him work. He stood nervously in front of me.

"I'm Erwin Smith. Uh, I just moved in, so I don't have much in the way of things to offer. I have water, tea, whiskey…?" He trailed off.

"Tea will be fine." I pulled at the ends of my black long sleeve shirt. I hope my clothing was appropriate. It was just a long sleeve black shirt and those blue jeans every one of the sink people wore.

"I'll be back in just a moment." He disappeared, and I wondered what to do. I pretended to look around, like someone in a new space might. I sat forward and picked up one of the photos he had on the coffee table. It was Erwin and a very tall man with a bushy mustache. I ran a finger over Erwin's face longingly, then I rubbed over the place where I knew Commander was in the photo. I couldn't help it.

"Shit!" I jumped as Erwin cleared his throat, leaning against the wall and smirking at me. My cheeks started heating up as I tried to forget I was just petting his dick.

He walked over to me and plopped on the couch beside of me.

"Oh." He smiled at the photo still clutched in my hands. "That's my buddy Mike."

"The Mike." I whispered, looking the Mike up and down. It had a body? It was a person?

"Um. Yeah. Mike." He looked at me funny and I realized I had said this aloud. I put the photo down quickly.

"So, uh, where did you say you lived?" Erwin asked, looking all around my face.

"Just down the street."

"Which street?"

"Ya know. The street." Shit I hadn't thought this far. What was it they named this street?

"Um…You mean this street? Sina street?"

"Yes!" I smiled at him. "I live just down Sina street."

"Hmmm…" He looked me up and down. "You know this street was named after this manor? Apparently it's the oldest house in town."

"Yeah."

Erwin POV

This was my chance. This sexy little man just showed up out of the blue, blushing and sputtering nonsense. It was like a miracle. Who cares if he's a little funny in the head? I was fucked up in the head. We would make a perfect pair. I wasn't about to turn him out because he says weird shit.

"So, have you lived here long?" He asked, another weird thing to say. I just told the little man I had recently moved in.

"This will be my first night in here." I wanted to add that he could spend it with me if he wanted to, but held my tongue. Remember your manners, Erwin. "But I've been working on the house for about a month and a half now."

"Really? You're the one who fixed it up?" He smiled at me. "You've done a hell of a job. I really appreciate all your hard work, Erwin."

"Really?" I cocked my head.

"I mean as someone who lives around here. You fixing the place up just made it nicer around here for everyone. It's not like I live here or anything. Of course not. You live here. Alone. You're alone in here." He looked around a bit nervously.

"How did you know I lived alone?" I asked and in my head, I was screaming at myself for starting to get paranoid.

"Well, if there was someone else with you, wouldn't they have come down to see who was at the door, too? I just assumed." Levi nervously played with his hands. Shit, this was so awkward. He was so hot. I had to fix this. Come on, Erwin think. First, I needed to find out if he was single.

"So, do you live alone, too?" Fuck. Real smooth there Erwin. Why don't I just ask him if he likes big cocks?

"Yeah." Levi looked away from me for a moment before clearing his throat and looking back. His gray eyes were so magical. I loved them.

"Enough about our living situations. I wanna know about you." I smiled at him, making an effort to relax him. "What do you do?"

"What do I do?"

"Yeah." I draped an arm across the back of the couch, coming close to touching his shoulder.

"I do lots of things." He looked so confused. It made me want to cuddle him. He would probably be perfect size for that, too. I could just rest my chin on his little head.

"I mean what do you do for work?" This was a perfectly normal topic of conversation, so why did he look so nervous?

"I, uh, clean."

"You're a maid?" I asked, before I realized how that must have sounded. I hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way.

"I clean… antiques. I take care of them." He said carefully, almost like he was calculating something.

"Really? That's amazing. You should see this house then, it's got some historical value, I'm sure. I can show you around, if you want."

To my surprise, he threw his head back and laughed. I melted, my stress draining away and affection flooding me. I didn't know what was so funny about that, but I loved to see him like this. I would have to find some jokes to tell him to make him laugh like that again. God, he was perfect.

I leaned forward toward him before I could help it and he stopped laughing. He leaned toward me and saw his eyes flick down to my lips. I smiled wider, hoping he was thinking about kissing me.

"So, you got a girlfriend?" I asked, trying to sound casual. His eyes snapped back up to mine and he shook his head.

"I have no interest in women. I'm gay." He said. I kept my face calm, but inside I was exploding.

"Ah! A boyfriend, then?"

"No."

"There's two things we have in common. I'm a single, gay man, too." I said and then nearly winced at how obvious that sounded. Luckily, the tea kettle started shrieking on the oven so I excused myself to handle it.

"Calm yourself, Erwin. Calm down. He isn't a present brought by Santa Claus. Or maybe he is? No, no, no. Erwin, control yourself. He's beautiful and single and gay, but you need to calm down." I poured the water and opened up my box of tea. All I had was Vanilla Chai because it was my favorite. I hoped he liked it.

"Here we go. Vanilla Chai." I sat down a steaming mug in front of him and he picked it up. I watched his thin, pink lips pucker as he blew on it. He sipped a little bit of it and made a sweet little noise. "Do you like it?" I sat down on the couch a lot closer to him than I had been the first time.

"Yes. Yes, I do. It's been decades since I've had a cup of tea, thank you." He looked up at me, his eyes shining. I chuckled a bit at his 'decades' joke. Surely that was an exaggeration.

"So what is it you do?" He asked me, taking another sip.

"I work for my friend Mike. He owns a company that flips houses. I do renovations and constructions for him."

"You must be really skilled with your hands then." He set down his mug of tea.

Was he trying to kill me?

"Yeah. I am, I guess." Then I quickly added, "You must be, too. To work with antiques, I mean. Aren't you scared you're going to break them?"

"Not really?" He cocked his head. "Are you saying you couldn't touch something older than yourself without worrying about how fragile it is?"

"Depends on how much older it is than myself." I shrugged. "Not to mention I have huge hands, so it be easy for me to break something."

"I can understand that." He looked at my hands. "But, you know, sometimes older things need to be handled roughly."

"Like to fix? Like this house?"

"Yeah." He kept looking at my hands and I saw blush start creeping up his cheeks. Now, what could he be thinking about? "That's what I meant. Yes."

Once again, I brushed off his awkwardness and his strange comments. He was blushing a bit and looking at my hands. That was way more important to me than any comment he made. Maybe he was just nervous? I looked down at his hands very conspicuously.

"You're hands are-" I paused. What if he didn't like being called small? "just the right size for working with antiques, huh?"

"Oh." He held up one of his hands in the air between us. "I suppose."

This was it. Take the chance, Erwin. I felt a little bubble nervousness rise up in me but I swallowed it down. I held up my hand and pressed it into his in the air. His breath hitched and I looked down at his wide grey eyes. "See? You're the perfect size."

"I-I have to go!" Levi ripped his hand away and stood up quickly. "Thank you very much for the tea!"

"Levi! Shit!" I stood up after him. "I'm sorry! I won't touch you again if you don't want it-"

"Goodbye, Erwin. Have a nice sleep." He walked quickly to the door and I followed him.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's fine. I just need to go." He stepped outside and I felt my heart sink.

"Will I see you again?" I asked, causing him to pause on his way down the steps.

"Yes."

That was the only thing he said before he walked to the end of the driveway and left. I collapsed against the couch where I had been sitting earlier and held my head in my hands.

"I'm such a fuck up. I shouldn't have pushed it." I sighed. "Of course he doesn't want me to touch him, we just met! I didn't even get his address."

He did say he would see me again, though. Was it pathetic that I was already starting to look forward to his next visit?

* * *

Me to myself: Update a different story that isn't dorky ghost au

me to myself: no

I will finish my other stories, esp BuB since it's soooo close to being done but iosnaoininwionfoiwnioffinw I love this one.


	7. Chapter 7

Levi is so awkward! He can't help it! His character is already bad at social situations and then I killed him and isolated him for a century! Oh well, at least I'm giving him an Erwin to play with.

* * *

Present Day: Sina manor

Erwin Pov

I was tempted to knock on every single door. Then I would have to find him. That would be my last resort. Though the very fact that I had a last resort plan for finding Levi showed how desperate I was. In my defense, I had not seen a single sign of him in two weeks.

"God dammit Erwin, as if you weren't creepy enough." I growled at myself. I was slowly driving down Sina street, hoping to see a familiar short man in the lawn of one of the houses.

"Yeah, sure, like he's gonna be completely naked and lounging across a hedge with a big sign that says 'Take me, Erwin!' Yeah." I said as I finally came to my house and pulled in. The only perk to living at the end of the street was that I could look at the whole street every time I left and came back.

I grabbed my few bags of groceries and lugged them up to the door. I unlocked my first lock with my key and then entered a code for the second lock. I swung the door open and inhaled the sharp sting of chemical pine.

"Damn! Why the fuck does it always reek of Pine-Sol!" I didn't even use it that much! I had only bothered to mop the floors like once in my whole two weeks here. Ever since then, it was a Pine-Sol forest in my house. I dropped the groceries down on the floor while mentally counting down.

_Forty-five… Forty-four… forty-three…_

If I didn't enter the code for the security system within a minute of opening the door, the alarm was triggered and the security company was called. I walked to the framed picture of some fancy old painting and tipped it sideways to get at the panel underneath the wall. I punched in the code before grabbing the groceries.

"Even if I did take Levi on a date, how would I explain all these locks and shit when we made it back here? _If _we made it back here, I mean. I fucking hope we would. _Shit. _How would I explain my guns next to bed or my need to sleep with a nightlight?" I frowned as I shoved lots of microwave foods into the fridge. I couldn't cook worth a damn.

"I probably frightened him off. Just my luck. A perfect little gay man drops into my lap and instead of making him feel comfortable, I ran him off." I opened the cabinet to grab a mug and froze as soon as I opened it.

I always kept my mugs on the bottom shelf in order from shortest to tallest with the exception of my father's mug, which I kept on top shelf. It was special, not to be used for drinking. Yet here it was, in line with the others on the bottom shelf. I gulped hard as my heartrate picked up and I patted my gun under my shirt.

"You have issues with paranoia. These things happen on accident. You are safe." I said as I turned around, looking wildly around. "You have issues with paranoia. These things happen on accident. You are safe."

I kept my hand on my gun as I walked through the house, reciting my little chant of assurance. My therapist thinks it's helping me, and I guess it is. When I first had little incidents in the house, like things going missing randomly in the house, I would walk through it with my gun cocked and my chant silent in my head in order to not give away my position. My therapist said that thinking like this takes me back to war, and that if I could start saying it aloud, I would feel safer. It helped a bit, since now I can just touch my gun instead of taking it out.

I walked through the house and stood tensely in the hallway after I was done. I needed to relax, but I mostly did that with tea. I didn't want to deal with the mug right now so I headed up to the bathroom for a hot shower.

Levi POV

I guess I probably should pay more attention to what I touch. Erwin sometimes gets upset at particular things moved, missing, or messed with. I guess his cups were one of them. I couldn't help it, though! I was searching for a teacup! I help myself to his tea on occasion and I want to drink out of a proper teacup. Not these things with these thick handles that are so heavy and hard to use.

"If you think I'm apologizing because you're a barbarian, think again." I said to him as I watched him nervously walk around, talking to himself about safety again. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but it was something major. Not only is he all weird and jumpy, but he doesn't have teacups. What kind of gentleman doesn't have teacups?

"Why are you so scared all the time?" I asked him as he paused in the hallway. "It's almost like you live with a ghost or something."

He opened the door to the sink room and walked in, leaving it open. I smirked to myself, "Must be bathing time." I took a comfortable spot against the wall in the hallway and watched him as he laid down a towel outside of the water box before setting the Mike and his gun on the sink. He pulled back the weird almost white door on the water box before sticking his hand inside and turning the magic buttons to make the water come out.

"I'm so damn old, aren't I?" I watched the water come down into the water box like rain and marveled at the creations of this time. I still preferred the river; it was familiar and comforting, but I found myself growing increasing curious about this water box.

Erwin shrugged out of his shirt and I suddenly couldn't give a damn about the water box. Those back muscles had my full attention. I licked my lips as he undid his pants and slipped them off. I took in all of his legs before looking away as he reached for his underwear. I wasn't his lover, so I felt like I shouldn't see him naked.

I had had long arguments about this with myself, and it always ended the same way. On the one hand, I was fucking dead. My chances of seeing another dick are slim to none. On the other hand, looking at Erwin's dick wasn't something I had any right to.

"Maybe a quick peek." I reasoned with myself. I lifted my eyes to the water box to find he was already inside, his profile blurred by the water box door that was in between white and clear.

"Even the door is teasing me." I sighed. I ran my eyes down over the sight of his head tipped back, hands in his hair. His strong chest and toned stomach looked amazing with water dripping off of them. Just a little further down… Come on, Levi…You can do this…

"I can't do this." I moved my eyes to the Mike and his gun. I can't look at him naked unless I'm his lover. I guess I would just have to seduce him, then. He has mentioned several times that he wanted to "pound that little Levi man". It might be easy enough to seduce him. However… that would mean more social interaction.

I had been avoiding meeting him again since our first meeting went so badly. I didn't mean to just run out on him, but when you're touched for the first time in decades, it shocks you. I had not expected him to feel so… so… _good. _He was warm and solid and _there. _He was real and he was with me. I wanted to feel him like that again. It was time for me to visit my house again and this time I wouldn't screw up.

I had found a bunch gay erotic novels when going through Erwin's books and had been studying up. I read each book twice and even, um, borrowed one of my favorites for my personal collection. I picked up how to date Erwin from those books.

"Thank you _Saddle up Cowboy, Hot and Heavy, _and _Good Boy _in particular." I said as I waited for Erwin to finish up his shower. I would wait until he was wrapping himself in a towel before I went to knock. Then, just like in _Boy Next Door, _he would come to the door in just a towel and I would seduce him with one of my new smooth pick-up lines.

It didn't take long. I looked away as he started drying off, straightening my clothes and moving to the door. I knew he was in the bathroom, so I just turned around outside of my door and knocked on it. It took a minute, but Erwin finally shouted, "Coming!"

I looked down at my clothes one more time, judging them to be okay, before I remembered something. "Oh!" I squeaked as I barely had enough time to let my power drop before Erwin's footsteps were behind the door.

"Levi?" I heard his muffle voice and wondered how he could see it was me before opening the door. I didn't have time to ponder it because he threw open the door with a huge smile on his face. Sadly, he was wearing clothes like mine. Just these blue pants and a long sleeve shirt with no buttons.

"Hey there big boy." I tried my sexy smile on him. I had spent so long practicing my sexy smile in the mirror, but I could never get it to match the descriptions in the books. I hoped he got what I was trying, though.

"Ummm." He blinked at me. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." I straightened my face up quickly and winked at him.

"Uh-huh. You wanna come in?" He asked, holding the door open. "I'll make tea."

"Sure." I walked in and took my usual seat on the couch without even looking at him. In the books, the bottom always ignored the top before they slowly got closer and closer and had wild sex on a table or hay pile or whatever.

"Vanilla Chai okay?" He asked, standing in front of me.

"You're the one who's okay, bad boy." Nailed it. Modern dating is so easy. I looked up at him through my lashes to test his reaction. He just had his eyebrows knit together and his mouth open a bit.

"I-Is that a yes?"

"It isn't a no, sexy." I licked my lips at him.

"Ooookay." He turned to the kitchen slowly. "I'll be back."

I positioned myself in a more inviting position on the couch, spreading my legs a bit. He came back in after a minute. He sat next to me on the couch, looking over me once more. I hoped he didn't think it was weird that I was wearing the same clothes as last time. I didn't own anything else modern. I would have stolen some of his, but his clothes were way too big and he would likely recognize them.

"So, this is a nice surprise." Erwin commented.

"Yes."

"Any particular reason you decided to come visit me today?" He asked.

"Is this a bad time?" I knew it wasn't. He hadn't started on a new house yet, taking time away from work to move in and rest a bit. He had spent two weeks taking it easy with me here.

"It's a fine time." He smiled. "I was just wondering why now after two weeks of no seeing you. I tried to find y- I mean, hey, this is a great time to visit."

"I'll start _coming _for you more often then." I said. Erwin blinked at me slowly and didn't say anything. I smirked. I'm so good at this. "Next time you can saddle me up, cowboy."

Erwin looked at me shocked and confused. He must be unable to handle my new modern dating skills. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. I decided to help him.

"Shhh…Shhh… It's okay. I'll be good for Daddy," I quoted.

"Levi, what the hell are you going on about?" His eyebrows were raised in shock and he looked almost concerned.

"I'm dating you." I explained. Wasn't it obvious?

"You- Wait. You're dating me? Since when? I mean, that isn't a 'no', but – Oh. Are you trying to ask me out?" He smiled. "You don't have to use any cheesy pick-up lines to ask me out. I'd love to."

"Yes." I nodded. I didn't know what else to say. I liked that he wanted to date me, but I didn't understand why he said my pick-up lines tasted like cheese. I guess that's a good thing, though. We didn't get cheese a lot. It was a bit of a special treat in my house growing up.

"There's this pizza place I'd like to take you to."

"I would rather not leave your house." I said, trying to swallow down the bit of fear that rose in me when he mentioned leaving the property.

"Okay." He agreed. "Movies and wine?"

"Yes."

"Friday night, six-ish?"

"Yes."

"Great!" He stood up. "I'll check on the tea."

He walked off and I thought about what I should do now. Is it typical for me to leave now? We just confirmed that we were courting. In the books, the men had rough sex after confirming courting, but Erwin is making me tea. I was a bit confused.

I sat quietly as Erwin brought the mug over to me.

"So, how about we get to know each other a little better?" He said. It didn't escape my attention that he was sitting very close to me now.

"Okay." I almost wanted to tack on something I had picked up from his books, but his scent was all around me and I couldn't think straight.

I stayed in his house for about thirty more minutes, talking awkwardly about different things. I told him about my favorite teas; he told me about his favorite wines. We discussed books and I made sure not to mention that the reason why I had "read all his favorites" was because I was raiding his bookshelf. He talked about his movie collection and asked me what I wanted to watch. I was confused by the question so I just said he could pick.

I watched his lips a lot when we talked. I didn't mean to, of course. They were just so tempting. His hand was so warm… I couldn't even begin to imagine what his lips would feel like. I hoped I would get to feel them soon.

"I will kiss him on our first date." I vowed to myself as I walked down my own driveway. I wouldn't miss that chance.

* * *

Next up: Levi's past and Erwin's first, um, special night in the house


	8. Chapter 8

i survived two near fatal car crashes! I was gone for a year because of this. Back now!

Levi's Past: Age 13 - Sina Manor

"Are we gonna tell Mama about the war?" Isabell asked me as I practiced curling her hair.

"No." Mama didn't need to know the country was at war with itself. She didn't need the stress of it on her. She was so close to death...hearing about this civil war would surely be the end of it.

"Papa says he's half a mind to send you and Farland off to fight." Her voice sounded shaky. "But is he does that-"

"He won't. We're too young to fight." I pulled out one of the hard curlers and watched the ringlet bounce out. It stayed in shape for just a minute before straightening out again. I sighed. I was so bad at this.

"Papa said it didn't matter. He said boys as young as fifteen were fighting!"

"I'm thirteen and Farland's eleven." I had heard Papa's threats before. He was always looking for a reason to get rid of us. He said we could go choke on a mortar shell. I didn't believe him, though. He was a loving father until Mama got sick, and I sometimes thought I saw a shred of humanity left in him.

"He says he'll enlist you and lie about your age." She started sniffling. "He says he'll wed me off to another bastard that'll 'put me in my place'."

"I'll kill him before he tried it." I pulled out the rest of her hard curlers and ran my fingers through the failed, half-curled mess. "Look, little sister, Farland is far too young for anyone to believe he's at least fifteen, and as for me...I'm too little for anyone to believe it, either."

"Big Brother! You finally said you're little!" She giggled. My reflex reaction was to defend my height, but she was laughing. Laughing was better than crying, so I held my tongue.

"It'll be okay, Isabell. I swear it." I put the curlers down and helped her up. "I also swear that I'll learn to curl your hair."

"Then I'll be as pretty as the other girls!" She gave me a dazzling smile.

"Even prettier." I stroked her face. She hugged me close and her head came to my chin. She was growing up, almost eleven. She had about four or five years until boys started chasing after her. Farland and I would have to beat them off.

"Oh, Kenny!" Sounded from downstairs. I scowled as Isabell frowned. We both knew who that was. My father had recently taken to spending all our food money on the company of a woman named Millie. He took her in the guest room he claimed as his bedroom and had his fill of her there. We all could hear the grunting and screaming, but I just hoped Mama couldn't.

"Stay upstairs." I let her go. "I'm going to go check on Mama."

"Farland's outside trying to get the garden to bring up vegetables." She looked scared for him. Papa wanted to be left alone before, during, and after his time with Millie. If he saw one of us, we would be in a world of trouble.

"I'll send him up." I left her at that and tiptoed down the stairs and past the room that stank of liquor and sex. Farland met me in the hallway.

"I heard the-" He started and I shushed him, pointing upstairs. He knew what I wanted and nodded. We past each other and I slipped into Mama's room. The smell hit me and almost took my breath away. It reeked of sickness and life rotting away.

"Mama?" I said quietly, quickly closing the door to block out the sounds of her husband playing with that whore.

Her bony hand twitched, but her labored breathing showed no change. I walked over to her, hating myself for hesitating to hold her hand. I despised the sharp stab of her bony fingers and the icy cold that radiated out of her. I felt as though it would seep into me, into my very mind, and tarnish the memories I had of her when she was warm and full of life.

"B-baby." She whispered. She opened her mouth to try and say more, but I could tell it was hurting her.

"Shhh," I brought her hand to my face and cradled it against my cheek. "It's okay, Mama. Everyone will be okay."

"N-no." Her gray eyes gave me a sharp look. "Li-listen."

"Yes, Mama." I leaned in close to her lips.

"No-not die here," Her breath wheezed for a moment. I could see the pain on her face and knew she was fighting against herself. Whatever she was saying, she had to get it out.

"That's right, Mama. You won't die here. You'll get better. You'll be on your feet in no time!" Lies. All of it was lies. Anyone with a set of eyes and half a brain could tell the life was draining right out of her. I was outright lying to my Mama, something that made me sick to my stomach.

"M-move me!" She summoned the rest of her strength. "Off the property. No one-" She was taken by a fit of coughing then. I moved my face away from her lips on instinct, but was hit by a few speck of blood coming from her lips anyway. I grabbed the blood stained cloth near her head and wiped her off. She was covered in already dried blood specks and I felt bad that I didn't come to clean her more often.

"You want us to move you?" I was confused. She would never survive a journey.

"No can die in this house." She trembled. "Cursed."

"Mama-" I started. Her eyes flashed at me and I shut up. Even on her deathbed, she had that commanding motherly stare.

"Now." She said before closing her eyes.

"But where would we take you?" My brain was spinning around in circles trying to figure out how to move her to where she wanted to go. I obviously couldn't ask Kenny for help, and I couldn't just sling her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Now," she whispered softly, "before it's too la-late."

"I'll go get Farland and Isabell to help." I kissed her hand, then her cheek before leaving. My mind was full of questions, but I was not about to disobey what could be my mother's dying wish.

"How's Mama?" Isabell asked as soon as I came in the room. She had been waiting by the door, and Farland was curled up in the corner with his head in his hands.

"Mama needs us to do something." I walked over to my little brother. "What is it?"

"Mama's dying and Papa's screwing a whore and the country's at war and- God damn it, Brother! We'll be killed! We'll all be killed!" He cried out, taking his hands away from his face and gripping my shirt. Isabell gasped in horror then whimpered.

"Dammit! Nobody's dying but Mama!" I yelled at him, then immediately regretted it when he shrunk back. He shrink back just like he did when Kenny yelled at him, and the thought of me causing that reaction in him made my stomach twist. Isabell whimpered again and I cussed everyone I knew. "Look, Mama needs us. She told me she wants to be moved-"

"Moved?" Isabell and Farland questioned at the same time.

"It may be her final wish." I said with finality. "She's dead set on the house being cursed, and she doesn't want to die in it."

"That shit again! It ain't cursed!" Farland snapped, standing up. "Mama hasn't had a bite to eat in a fucking week and you want to move her around-"

"Hush! Help me or I'll do it myself!" I remembered to control my tone and this time he didn't shrink away.

"But how? Where?" Isabell came to us.

"I don't think it matters where. She just wants to be off the property." I thought for a moment. "As for how...I don't quite know."

"Wheelbarra, maybe." Farland shrugged. Anger burst forth inside me and I struck out without thinking about it. My hand made contact with his cheek the same time as what I was doing caught up with me. But it was too late. I had hit Farland. Isabell gasped and lunged forward, grabbing me around the waist.

"Don't beat him! Don't beat Farland!" She cried. Farland looked at me, wide blue eyes more shocked than pained.

"I-I'm not gonna beat him." I said, hugging Isabell gently. "I promise I'm not like Kenny. I just… I just… Don't ever mention putting my - our - Mama in a wheelbarrow ever again."

"I-I won't. I just don't know how else to move her." He admitted. "I'm sorry to both of you."

"It's alright." I lied. Nothing about this whole fucked up situation was alright.

"We can move her matress whole." Isabell whispered. "That's how I do with my toys. I put down a blanket before playing dolls, that way I can just wrap them up and put them away real quick like if I hear Papa coming."

"We can't wrap her up, but we can grab the corners and carry it gently." I motioned to the bed in the room. "I'll take the two corners behind Mama's head since I'm the strongest. Farland, you take the right bottom corner, and Isabell, you take the left bottom corner."

"Alright." Isabell nodded.

"You sure you strong enough to carry a whole side?" Farland sized up my small frame. He was already my height, and he hadn't entered puberty yet.

"You need to get beat at another arm wrestling competition for you to realize that I'm the strongest?"

"But are you strong enough to-" He started.

"It doesn't matter. I'm strong enough for this. I have to be." I straightened myself out as tall as I could and told them to follow me downstairs.

I made sure I stepped behind Isabell as we neared the hallway. As soon as we got within range of the moans, I put my hands over Isabell's ears. She kept forward, used to this. Isabell was a young lady, and young ladies need not be exposed to sex until marriage. I uncovered them only as we got into Mama's room.

"Mama!" Isabell ran to her side. She gently laid her hand upon Mama's, but we could all tell that she wanted to jump up and snuggle in her Mama's arms. She had tried once or twice, but a stern talk about Mama's delicate state had put a stop to that.

"We should get started. It'll be late soon." Farland said gruffly. He had been in his "I'm a big boy who don't feel nothin'" phase.

"I say we take Mama to the rose garden." Isabell whispered.

"That's still on the property." I commented, also trying to think of ideas. How about that bend in the creek Mama used to take us to all the time? Lot's of pretty flowers and sunshine. It's just off the property."

"What do you think, Mama?" Isabell cooed to her. "You wanna go to the creek bend today?"

Mama made a small noise that I took as one of approval. "Farland, you and Isabell grab your corners, I'll have to wait until she's further down grab mine."

Lucky for us, Mama and Papa's bed in their bedroom had been exchanged for a slim hospital bed once Mama got sick. (She didn't like nobody touching her when she had the fevers.) The old bed was in there, too, pushed up against a corner. At the beginning of her illness, Papa would sleep on that. After about a month, when the smell started to get to him, he moved to the guest bed downstairs. Now he slept there...with one of his whores.

I told them to stop as we got to the stairs. I didn't think they could hold Mama up high while going down backwards so she wouldn't slip off. I could do it, though, so I went down first. We paused again as we got to the front door. We all looked around, quickly realizing that none of us had a free hand to open it with.

"Isabell, go open the door." Farland said, moving his grip more toward the center of Mama's feet.

"But Mama-" She started.

"I can hold her." Farland gazed over Mama's haggard body before looking me in the eyes. "Put your trust in me. I can do this." He wasn't just talking about holding the mattress.

I heard the truth in his words and nodded at Isabell to let go. She carefully let go, holding her hands under the mattress for a few seconds in case Farland dropped it before dashing off, her barefeet slapping on the hardwood with every step. We heard the door creak open and the sunlight shone across us before she came running back. She took her place and we began again.

"Oh!" Mama cried out as the sunlight hit her. I couldn't tell if it was in delight for seeing the sun or in pain from not seeing it for so long.

"Close your eyes if you need to, Mama." I grunted, holding up as much of the mattress, which surely weighed more than Mama did at this point, as I possibly could.

I walked backwards as quick as I could, Farland giving me directions to the bend while Isabell kept her eyes low to point out anything I might trip on. If I tripped, we all tripped. I would not allow Mama's fragile bones to be shaken around so harshly...It was bad enough we had to do this.

If Kenny was a good man, he would have been there for Mama's wish. He would have gotten one of the men from the church, (he no longer attended and I took Farland and Isabell as much as possible to maintain relationships in the community for times help getting food now that Papa has Millie to spend on). The men together would have carried her out on her mattress to a cart which would be easy on her. My siblings and I would go behind the cart in our mourning clothes, and toss flowers behind her. Unfortunately for us, Kenny was not a good man, and we were left on our own.

I lost count of how many minutes it took for us to get there. The only sounds was Mama's struggled breathing and my heartbeat in my ears, so it was all too easy for my mind to blur.

"Here." I panted with the effort. "Set her down on the bank -Not like that, Farland! Gentle! - Here." We got her situated and sat down next to her. I held one of her hands, and Farland held the other one. Isabell sat at her head and stroked her hair.

I watched the water before us, gently moving forward. It never stopped, never hesitated. It trickled on ceaselessly… just like time. Time marched on, even when it meant Mama's death. There nothing we could do now. We were just three helpless kids.

Isabell started crying when the first clot of hair came up. She held the long black hairs up in her hand and set them off to the side. She kept stroking, feather soft touches, but more came up.

Farland started crying around the time Mama spoke her last words. A gentle yet strong "I love you" to us. It felt like a blessing and a curse at the same time. Still, I let no tears fall. I felt dead inside at that point, numb to the pain of what was happening.

I can't pinpoint the exact second Mama died. Her breathing came softer and softer til it just stopped all together. Her grip loosened and her spirit left us. I was glad that there seemed to be no pain at the end. Her passing was quiet...gentle…calm… Just like that.

I also can't pinpoint exactly when I started crying. I didn't realize I had shed a tear until my cheeks were going numb from the cold. It had been dusk then, and the temperature had plummeted.

"We gotta bury her." Farland was the first one to speak.

"No! No! Not my Mama! No!" Isabell threw herself on Mama's corpse.

"Isabell!" Farland snapped. "Mama's dead! She's gone! She's-" He cut off in a sob, then quickly let go of Mama and covered his mouth with both hands.

"Nooooo!" She cried.

"Farland is right." I said, monotone.

"Where we gonna bury her?" He asked, standing up and stretching.

"Right here." I stood up as well, feeling the ache deep in my bones. "Farland and I will work through the night digging a hole for her. Isabell, you go back inside and grab lantern. You'll need to hold it while we work." The next hours were full of mud and an all consuming ache in my stomach. My Mama was dead. Gone from this world and went to the next.

It started with a hum. I almost told Farland to shut up when I recognized what he was humming. Then, I realized with a grim clarity, it was fitting. I sang at a low volume until Isabell started with us.

_The frozen streets in moonlight glitter, the midnight hour has long been past. At me the wind blow keen and bitter. I think beneath the piercing blast, in every vein seems life to laugh, their weight my limbs no more can bear but no one soothes the orphans' anguish. No one heeds the orphans' prayer._

I felt as though I would never see the light again.


End file.
